It Began with a BBFT

I've made my lists and checked them off, I've made Ryan's list and made sure he checked everything off, packed my bag, said good night to the kiddos (very tearfully to Ben though since he will no longer be the baby and for some reason this thought fell prey to pregnancy hormonal tears as I simultaneously clunked his head on the doorway of his room so we were both crying which confused my dad but I think my mom totally got it), had my last meal until post baby (thanks mom and dad for taking us out and to sam for babysitting), took a nice long pre op prep shower and am now trying to think about going to bed for about 4ish hours. We are very excited about meeting #4 in a few short hours but since it is #4 in 4 years I will be retiring the maternity clothes after this (barring a real modern day miracle) and although I am confident in this decision it is sad to leave the pregnancy era behind. So this is farewell to all that is pregnancy. I know that a lot of women would roll their eyes at that statement because well frankly it sucks for a lot of people but I honestly love being pregnant 95% of the time (and that 5% is mostly in the last 3-4 weeks). I think God decided that since for us getting pregnant requires great science and cost that he would cut me some slack in the pregnancy department. One of the things I like most about pregnancy is the belly (and the eating of course, it's a nearly guilt free meat and cheese extravaganza for 9 months with me)--hear me out on this. Here is my reasoning: after the twins I would get asked if I was pregnant anywhere from once a week to once a month. That really grates on ones' self esteem. So when I am pregnant I can just let it all hang out and say, 'why yes, I am pregnant, thank you'. Also, people like you better when you are pregnant. They ask warmly how you are feeling, they open doors, they offer seats, they sometimes just smile at you but still, people are just so nice about it. The patients and families at work definitely seemed to take much more of a liking to 'the pregnant doctor' than when I am just plain old 'girl doctor'. I even had one father who is from a culture that is notorious for large families say to me after a barrage of questions about my due date and how many kids I currently have "Now THAT is what I like to see!" about the fact that I will have had 4 kids in 4 years. He practically gave me a high 5.

Honestly I feel very blessed and honored to have had the privilege of carrying our children and I have tried not to take it for granted. Before we had the twins we were on the fast track to adoption and I had come to terms with the idea that although disappointing, pregnancy was not to be in my future. So every time I feel the baby kick and move and squirm I am so thankful to have been given this opportunity and I'm sad (although not sad enough to do it again) to close this chapter in my life.


The pics below are mainly for my benefit and if my kids ever decide to read this in the future too--normally I would not put a whole barrage of pics of myself :)






Twins