This is more of a processing post--mainly for myself to put my thoughts into words and to remember what it was like because even the challenging times can be looked upon fondly once you are far enough away from them. It is not meant to be a complaining post but merely realistic, about the good and the, uh, challenges. --and maybe some other mom or even my own daughters down the line when they are mothering toddlers will identify with my "conundrum" and feel a little bit better.
We made a choice to wait a few years to start our family. I was in medical school and then residency and also we just wanted to travel and have the freedom that you have without kids (although I never fully appreciated it at the time). We also made a choice to have several children into a short span of time--4 in 4 years. So, now with sweet new little Jack, we have two 4 year olds, a 22 month old and a newborn. Needless to say it has its challenges (I hope to chronicle a typical 'day in the life' sometime here soon complete with pics and quotes). My conundrum, is that I want so much to enjoy every minute of raising my children--but not every minute is enjoyable--that is the challenge of parenting in general. This is the realistic part here, not the complaining part: it is not enjoyable to have a child repeat a phrase 10 times until you are able to give some sort of a response, it is not enjoyable to deal with a full force tantrum no matter where you are, it is not enjoyable to have 4 crying at once about various trivialities, it is not enjoyable break up fights about whose turn it is to open a door (I had no idea that doors were the #1 cause of tears and tantrums between the ages of 2-4--at least in our household. It's just a door kids--you have your whole life to open them!). As a parent you can feel pulled in so many different directions all at one time--which do you tackle first, the child who is standing in pool of their own urine, the screaming and hungry newborn or the toddler that is now standing on the computer keyboard doing a jig? The rub is here is that I know that time is marching forward and these little muchkins that crawl into my bed at all hours will be sullen teenagers in the blink of an eye. I cannot tell you the number of people who have stopped us to say 'enjoy it now because it goes so fast'. It seems like a cliche phrase but I wholeheartedly believe it. It doesn't feel fast at times, like between the hours of 3 and 6 when I am listening with every fiber of my being for the garage door to open and Ryan to walk in--reinforcements are always a relief! It is honestly a big struggle. I so want to enjoy every second but I also find myself counting to 10 to not say something rude to my child or having to lay in bed at night and pray about the bad attitude I had that day towards my kids at times. It can be such a back and forth of emotions. I want to be able to say that I heeded the advice of the costco sample ladies and 'enjoyed every minute' but some minutes are hard to revel in. Despite all of the challenges of this phase, it is heavy laden with amazingness--for lack of a better word. In one day I get to cuddle a newborn during the quietness of night, have 4 year old twins bound into my room at the stroke of 7:30, wanting endless 'cuddle time' and have a 2 year old reach out for from his crib with a morning smile. Who gets to do that? The temporal nature of this stage is both encouraging and sad all at the same time. This is the 'hero stage' where mom and dad are the best ever and can heal any wound and solve any problem. Although getting up in the night is not fun, I love the idea that they are coming to me for comfort, for solace, because I am their mom. I remember the feeling of all being right with the world when I was with my mom and I love the fact that hopefully that is how my munchkins feel with me. It is an amazing privilege and one that I am thankful for on a daily basis but also at times have a hard time being thankful for--hence the conundrum that I am trying to process here. So, Lydia and Grace, if you are reading this while sitting at starbucks because Grandma B is watching the kids so you can get out of the house for a little bit (I am going to be that awesome of a grandma), remember when your little one is tantruming (we have strong tantrum genes) to count to 10 and then soak up the positives--the cuddle time after the tantrum storm has passed-when you toddler is sniffing and hiccuping from so much crying but only wants to be held by her mom (that was screaming at her just minutes before to stop this by the count of 3!!!) That's the amazing part. I think that is the part that the well meaning Costco ladies are referring to.
We made a choice to wait a few years to start our family. I was in medical school and then residency and also we just wanted to travel and have the freedom that you have without kids (although I never fully appreciated it at the time). We also made a choice to have several children into a short span of time--4 in 4 years. So, now with sweet new little Jack, we have two 4 year olds, a 22 month old and a newborn. Needless to say it has its challenges (I hope to chronicle a typical 'day in the life' sometime here soon complete with pics and quotes). My conundrum, is that I want so much to enjoy every minute of raising my children--but not every minute is enjoyable--that is the challenge of parenting in general. This is the realistic part here, not the complaining part: it is not enjoyable to have a child repeat a phrase 10 times until you are able to give some sort of a response, it is not enjoyable to deal with a full force tantrum no matter where you are, it is not enjoyable to have 4 crying at once about various trivialities, it is not enjoyable break up fights about whose turn it is to open a door (I had no idea that doors were the #1 cause of tears and tantrums between the ages of 2-4--at least in our household. It's just a door kids--you have your whole life to open them!). As a parent you can feel pulled in so many different directions all at one time--which do you tackle first, the child who is standing in pool of their own urine, the screaming and hungry newborn or the toddler that is now standing on the computer keyboard doing a jig? The rub is here is that I know that time is marching forward and these little muchkins that crawl into my bed at all hours will be sullen teenagers in the blink of an eye. I cannot tell you the number of people who have stopped us to say 'enjoy it now because it goes so fast'. It seems like a cliche phrase but I wholeheartedly believe it. It doesn't feel fast at times, like between the hours of 3 and 6 when I am listening with every fiber of my being for the garage door to open and Ryan to walk in--reinforcements are always a relief! It is honestly a big struggle. I so want to enjoy every second but I also find myself counting to 10 to not say something rude to my child or having to lay in bed at night and pray about the bad attitude I had that day towards my kids at times. It can be such a back and forth of emotions. I want to be able to say that I heeded the advice of the costco sample ladies and 'enjoyed every minute' but some minutes are hard to revel in. Despite all of the challenges of this phase, it is heavy laden with amazingness--for lack of a better word. In one day I get to cuddle a newborn during the quietness of night, have 4 year old twins bound into my room at the stroke of 7:30, wanting endless 'cuddle time' and have a 2 year old reach out for from his crib with a morning smile. Who gets to do that? The temporal nature of this stage is both encouraging and sad all at the same time. This is the 'hero stage' where mom and dad are the best ever and can heal any wound and solve any problem. Although getting up in the night is not fun, I love the idea that they are coming to me for comfort, for solace, because I am their mom. I remember the feeling of all being right with the world when I was with my mom and I love the fact that hopefully that is how my munchkins feel with me. It is an amazing privilege and one that I am thankful for on a daily basis but also at times have a hard time being thankful for--hence the conundrum that I am trying to process here. So, Lydia and Grace, if you are reading this while sitting at starbucks because Grandma B is watching the kids so you can get out of the house for a little bit (I am going to be that awesome of a grandma), remember when your little one is tantruming (we have strong tantrum genes) to count to 10 and then soak up the positives--the cuddle time after the tantrum storm has passed-when you toddler is sniffing and hiccuping from so much crying but only wants to be held by her mom (that was screaming at her just minutes before to stop this by the count of 3!!!) That's the amazing part. I think that is the part that the well meaning Costco ladies are referring to.
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